EMAILS FROM MY FATHER

Extra, Extra! After a long (suspicious) silence from the patriarch we received word that our family does in fact have strong ancestral French roots. For generations we have thought our father’s family to be almost entirely Irish. Upon receiving word of about this shift in our perceived background our father sent us some updates about our new heritage.

SUBJECT: Consequences of Being French

1.Big Guy (older brother) is no longer to be called the crown prince. He is the dauphin.

2. We will all have to learn the names of the several French who did not collaborate with the Nazis.

3. As much as possible we will wear berets for formal occasions.

4. Cheese—lots of cheese for snacks. And Wine.

5. Mom and I will promote more bell ringing as I coo in French. All of you will need to have bells installed by the end of the year.

6. Everyone will be given increased clothing allowance.

7. We no longer have to celebrate Anglo-Irish cooking such that it is.

8. You will no longer need to drive sanely.

9. Soon you will receive portraits of Napoleon (not as short as you think) and Charles De Gaulle to be hung in the “French” room.

10. You are free to bypass Quebec and say your ancestors are French. Kit, this is major.

11. Nancy is knitting you all a scarf that has all the key events of the French revolution on it and bracelets with Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité

12. All will receive small brass guillotines as stocking stuffers with realistic heads.

Autres temps, autres mœurs.
Times change.

Until next time…
The Dauhpine?

In case you missed it…

Here is the video link to the final St. Michael’s P-Day video I made.  As my former classmates start classes I hope this serves a reminder to enjoy every last moment!  Check the site tomorrow for a new post about my adventures in Chicago!

 

COMING UP!

COMING UP!

September 7—Pop-up Comedy @Art Hop—Show @ 8:30

September 13—Johnson State Show @8pm

September 14—Showcase @Champlain Lanes—Show @ 9:00pm

September 25—Showcase @Radio Bean —Show @ 11pm

September 28—Showcase in Barre, VT—Show @ 8pm

THE WITCHES!

THE WITCHES!

While not theatre realted I withold the right to shamelessly plug my upcoming show! THE WITCHES running May 9-12 and May 16-19. Click the link below for tickets and more info!

http://www.flynntix.org/Productions/Details.aspx?perfNo=9342&perfCodePrefix=OPD13R

EMAILS FROM MY FATHER

I have no words this week…enjoy.

 

Dear Progeny: Hide the button! That’s right. This is the kind of game that real kids need to play. At mamaw’s birthday we introduced a weak version of it to keep the little ones occupied.  It was “hide the scarf” and an idiot could have found it but the kids still had to be taken practically on top of it. And it dawned on me right there—a real epiphany, a Eureka moment. What kids need is a reintroduction to the game of my childhood. Hide the button. Not a scarf or a loaf of bread but a button, the tiniest possible, that could be concealed anywhere.  Every nook and cranny becomes a potential hiding place—my favorite was inside a light bulb socket until my youngest brother got partially fried. You cannot imagine the search skills entailed (Google is fascinating but we are taking about real search techniques the kind that will come in handy as an adult and you can’t find anything anymore). Both the hider and the seeker benefit from this. To hide requires insight the match of Poe’s protagonist in The Purloined Letter. Hide and Seek.  We use to hide marbles until one of my siblings had the bright idea of swallowing the marble. Now that adds another dimension to SEEK  but eventually with patience and a small butter knife my mother was able to find it a couple of days later. 
I hope you have enjoyed this walk down memory lane, but more importantly heed my advice. Hide the Button a game whose virtues have not been fully discovered. Dad  NB: Kids will play this game literally forever.
PS There is a downside. A good chance that things will be broken, no longer function like they use to, stuff found that no one wanted found.

“I’m Kit Rivers”

Brought to us by the lovely and talented booking manger at Levity comedy club, Carmen Lagala.

EMAILS FROM MY FATHER

This week brought my siblings and I a particurlarly interesting email from father.  In my parents new found adoration of Downton Abbey my father wanted us to place bids for the renaming of the rooms in the house.  Mr. H (as stated in previous emails is our family’s ficticious “wealth” advisor) also has a stake in this weeks email.  Below is of course my father’s email but also my brother’s (kiss-ass) response.  Needless to say I will save your from the next 48 emails which were all pretty heated in light of a fake competition where no prize will ever be given.

NOTE: Molly is my sister and Matt her husband.  During construction of their new home they lived in my parents basement for 6 weeks.

Dear Offspring: Since your mother and I are now hooked on Downton Abbey (H watches with us –loves Kettle Corn) our house seems rather dull so we are thinking of some renaming (when we leased to Matt and Molly they kept calling it the basement to get rent control rates; but we have upgraded.)  We are looking to call the Sunroom either the Conservatory or the Solarium—all I think it needs to pull this off is a nude statue of some kind.  The room in the lower level of the house has a few options (other than lower level or basement or even family room). We are looking at Drawing Room (basically a large private room where people went to be withdrawn—get it).  Also Den given its privacy (somewhat large for a den and it does have some windows).  In any case join the Downton Abbey Naming Contest and winning entry (with no more than 200 word defense) will receive a quality item selected by Mr. H.
Affectionately yours,  his lordship.
PS Her ladyship and I call our bedroom the boudoir.
THE CROWN PRINCES’ RESPONSE:
Here are my nominations. I attach no defense. The defense, simply put, is that
these are the proper names for such rooms.

1. “Mud Room” (you peasants
disgust me): Anteroom
2. “Vermont Room” (simply adorable): Conservatory
3.
“Garage” (do we provide oil changes?): Stables
4. “Fireplace” (are we
pioneers?): Hearth
5. “Front door” (because we are apparently prostitutes):
Foyer (and if I hear you pronounce the “r” so help me)
6. “Living Room”
(adjacent to the dining room, because, like typical Americans, you live where
you eat): Parlor
7. “Dining Room” (you got this one right): Dining Room
8.
“Dad’s Office” (this is 1900 not 1950, and it is “Lord” not “Ward”): Study (or
Library now that sir is retired)
9. “The Basement” (my instinct is to leave
it unnamed as respectable persons have no business downstairs, but, if you
insist): Lower Drawing Room
10. “Living Room” (adjacent to the kitchen–see
#6): Upper Drawing Room

Emails from my Father

The long awaited return of the my father’s “important” emails.  This week we feature his brief welcome home email.  This includes his fictional character of “Mr. H” (it is consequently himself) the family’s accountant, who is additionally having an affair with  my  mother.

Welcome Home Kit. When you get to SMC get a FLU SHOT if you haven’t already done so. Best New Year’s gift you can give yourself. Also H said to tell you he missed you and he is glad he doesn’t have to do anymore Pds and Euro conversion shit.  Love, Dad

 

 

Goodbye London, Hello BTV!

ian stuart john tole

 

 

 

 

 

 

My first show back on a Burlington stage this Wednesday! Featuring Ian Stuart and John Tole!

http://levityvt.com/  For tickets!

Farewell Weekend…

http://www.7dvt.com/2012hopped. A write up about my final weekend in VT-ready to tell jokes abroad and ruin US reputations!

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